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I wish magic were a thing. I would be the Room of Requirement, only able to be seen by those who are worthy. If you can manifest me, here I am. If not, then you’ll have no idea of the possibility anyway. Continue with your banal existence until you die a boring death. I’d also be unplottable, untrackable, unfindable. Geotagging is not an option. No, I can’t send you a drop pin, bro, I’m the goddamn Room of Requirement. If you don’t know, you don’t know. Every interaction would be golden; I’d have only the best of conversations. There wouldn’t be...

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They call it ‘fast food’ for a reason. It’s supposed to be fast. So why am I waiting for my meal for extended periods of time? Now, there are factors at play here; don’t get me wrong. Extremely busy restaurants, difficult customers - these circumstances can’t be avoided. However, know your store. If it’s a Saturday night, after 10pm and you’re in a metro area, please staff the fucking store appropriately. I should not be waiting in a drive-thru for 10 minutes at a city McDonald’s for a Quarter Pounder meal. In fact, nor should my worst enemy. My enemies...

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By Matthew Nolan. Let’s be diplomatic for a moment. There are positives regarding the rise of the ‘selfie’. You can be the photographer and the content all in one. That’s it. There are no other positives because it’s just another example of some people these days being a self-obsessed, poorly communicating bunch of plebs. Now, I do generalise, but for the most part that the last statement is true. It is true because I have witnessed people of all ages shove smartphones in front of their faces, affix their devices to these ugly-ass selfie sticks and look genuinely stupid taking...

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By the genius George Carlin One of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word fuck. Of all the words beginning with F, fuck is the single one referred to as "the F word". It can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck fits into many grammatical categories, such as: 1. A transitive verb "John fucked Shirley." 2. An intransitive verb "Shirley fucks." 3. An adjective "John's doing all the fucking work." 4. An adverb "Shirley talks too fucking much." 5. An adverb enhancing an adjective "Shirley is fucking beautiful." 6. A noun "I don't give a...

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